A word from the old and wise

Date: 22/05/1997

EMMA Bonino's mum is sick and tired of all this talk of convergence criteria and EMU and ERM and first wave and second wave and ins and outs.

She has no idea what macroeconomics is or are and cares even less. Microeconomics is or are just as confusing, but smaller.

What Mrs Bonino senior wants is an end to Euro mumbo-jumbo and a bit of straight talking that everyone can understand on the great EU issues of the day.

It is hardly a new idea - the need for plain speaking has been pointed out to bureaucracies across the globe for as long as there have been people sufficiently well educated to be able to completely mangle a language and render it devoid of meaning to ordinary mortals.

But when European Commissioners' mums decide it is time to tell it like it is, things begin to get done.

Voicebox therefore raises a glass to Mrs Bonino senior, whose heartfelt plea for an end to gobbledegook in Brussels was passed on by her formidable Commissioner daughter at a press conference last week.

Emma was not speaking on behalf of the Commission or the world at large but on behalf of a little old lady from Bra who does not take kindly to the bigwigs in Brussels or elsewhere speaking in convoluted paragraphs when simple sentences will do.

Now we know why Bonino used the word piracy when she meant to say piracy during the EU's halibut war with Canada: it was because her mum told her always to call a spade a spade and not to beat about the bush.

And now, thanks to Mrs Bonino senior, the pressure is on everyone to start talking about the single currency in terms everyone can understand.

It is only a matter of time before other Commissioners start taking a lead from their wise relatives instead of from a bunch of career-focused hangers-on whose stock-in-trade is hesitation, deviation and obfuscation.

Already, members of the Commission have amended their speeches and Voicebox has obtained copies of forthcoming utterances from Messrs Flynn and Kinnock and Mrs Bjerregaard... “Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to welcome you to this seminar on the motivation of the socially excluded, negatively employed non-worker in which we will be concentrating on the need for a concerted return-to-the-workplace ethic as a prerequisite of an effective counterweight to the continuing scourge of the disengaged employee, jobs-wise.

“But first I would just like to say a word about old Granny Flynn back there in County Sligo. When I told gran about this gathering today she said: 'Pádraig, my boy, I have never heard of a seminar and I don't want to in case it's something smutty, but you go back there and you make sure people don't start disappearing up their own noses with all this double-talk about refocusing priorities in a depressed jobs market and economically active households and such like and just say what you mean.'

“So I say to you today, ladies and gentlemen, that what I mean to say is that we need to give more jobs to more people.

“There now, that didn't take very long, did it...?”

“Fellow Europeans, people often ask me what I mean when I talk about the interoperability of inter-modal transport systems.

“Why only the other day, my old Uncle Glynn said to me, he said: 'Neil, what the hell is all that gibberish you talk about in the transport directorate-general over there in Brussels?' And I said: 'Unk, I'm damned if I know. But what I do know is, if we made it all much simpler, old buggers like you would start understanding far too much about what goes on!'

“Only joking, ladies and gentlemen, because my uncle knows what he is talking about when he says no one knows what we're talking about.

“So I would like very much to say to you today that we must dispense with the outmoded, convoluted verbal gymnastics which for too long have typified my dossier. I would like to say that I am pleased that finally the impact of the third directive on fourth freedom rights, or possibly the second directive on fifth freedom rights, is beginning to be felt, particularly vis-à-vis region to hub access, not to mention the inroads made regarding groundhandling monopolies.

“But my uncle won't let me. Nor is he keen on me speaking about the role of the European Parliament's transport rapporteur in relation to the aforementioned inter-modal transport sector.

“So, instead, let me just say that I'm pleased air fares are coming down because we have stopped the big boys hogging all the markets, and I think we are doing okay in our efforts to make better road and rail connections across Europe. Thank you.”

“Ladies and gentlemen, I address you at a crucial time for environmental policy, a time when the need for access to environmental information is urgently needed for all of us. This includes information on emissions into the air from point sources.

“However, when I was home in Denmark picking apples in my orchard last weekend, my husband pointed out to me that this is complete nonsense. He said to me, 'Ritt, what are point sources?'

“And in all honesty I had to tell him I had never heard of them until I read this speech. 'It is not my fault,' I said, 'if I am given this stuff to read.'

“For instance, I am supposed to tell you today that reluctance to provide access to relevant data has impeded the development of a project in the framework of ongoing Phare activities and that the Commission is considering this lack of transparency when adjudicating on further extensions of the current aforementioned Phare infrastructure envelope.

“I am supposed to, but I won't, any more than I intend to tell you that the approximation process should not be restricted to civil servants in ministries or politicians in parliament. Or that your participation is a prerequisite for a successful implementation of the environmental acquis.

“Instead, suffice it to say that a better environment is healthier for us all and we should all be helping to achieve it. Thank you.”