A call from the ‘wilderness’

Date: 05/12/1996

IT IS three o'clock in the morning, it is pouring with rain and as the sheets of water sluice down the car windscreen, finally I find a lifeline.

This is a place called nowhere, somewhere between two villages in northern France, with any luck not a million miles from Paris but by now it is impossible to tell.

It is 1996 and I have everything a chap could want - two-speed windscreen wipers, a map, a mobile phone and a packet of crisps.

But it might just as well be the Middle Ages. I am one of the oppressed masses, battling against impossible odds to plough my own humble furrow, to do what a fellow has to do.

But I can't because French lorry drivers have shut down the motorway. They want more money for less work. Big deal, I think to myself as I zigzag through the farming wastelands of Valenciennes and its environs, which I visit several times because France, beyond the umbilical cord of the sealed-off autoroute, turns out to be circular.

Listen, I say to myself - for indeed there is no other lunatic out here in this weather at this time of day in such disruptive circumstances - listen, I say, we all want more money for less work. You don't have to be a French lorry driver to be greedy, lazy and obdurate.

They want to retire at 55. Well, hell, I'd like to retire at 45 thanks very much, but who cares? Tell you what, shall I park my car lengthwise across the entrance to a drive-in movie house somewhere and refuse to budge until someone does something about my working hours? Shall I? I could throw inches of pavement into chaos. It might take whole minutes to have me and my car towed away. The economy of an entire person, namely me, could be crippled by fines and compensation.

I round yet another corner in the dank, muddy French campagne and find another faded road sign that says “Marly 3 kms”.

I have already been through Marly four times. I am becoming Marly's ghost, fated to roam for ever the bumpy lanes, rutted with tractor imprints, never to reach my destination.

Never mind the lorry drivers. If we, the other citizens of Europe, decided to call a halt for better pay and conditions, we could bring this great integrationist venture to its knees in minutes, not weeks like they did.

So why don't we? I'll tell you why. Because we believe in fair play. We believe that if we don't rock the boat, the good ship European Union will lead us safely to harbour.

But the boat is rocking. The French lorry drivers have exposed flaws in the construction of the hull. There are weaknesses in the bulkheads. You can hear the vessel creaking as we all roll in the choppy waters of integration. Freezing seas of economic reality smash across the bow, lashing the superstructure. Buffeting winds of social resistance nudge the bow off course. Everything shakes. Everything shudders. Are there too many people on board? It is too late to worry now, for even as we speak, lifeboat loads of survivors from other doomed craft are chugging across open seas to reach us. They are fleeing even worse conditions. Will they make it? Should they turn back? Some are already reconsidering. But only time will tell which is the best course of action.

Meanwhile, up ahead there are jagged rocks lurking in the dark. The captain says we'll make it, but what does he know? The storm is worsening...

Sorry, I am hallucinating. I have just passed the sign for Marly for the fifth time. I am at the end of my tether. And then - and this is my lifeline - I remember that it is 26 November. Are we not, on this very day, launching 'Citizens First'?

Indeed we are. As my two-speed windscreen wipers lose the battle with the rain, my crisp packet falls empty on the seat and my Marly-less map lies crumpled on the floor, I give thanks for the telecommunications revolution and my mobile phone. Just outside Marly, I pull off the tractor track and dial the emergency hotline number... Drrrrrrrr. Drrrrrrrr.

“Hello. Good morning. Welcome to the Citizens First hotline. Felicity speaking. How may I help you?”

“Oh, hello. Thank heavens someone is there.”

“That's all right sir. We never close. Our motto is 'Never mind hunger, never mind thirst, stay by the phone and put Citizens First'. Now how may I help you?”

“Well look, the trouble is, I'm trying to get to Paris and...”

“Could I just ask first of all sir, are you a citizen of the European Union?”

“What? Oh yes. Absolutely. I'm British.”

“I'll just check that sir ... um British ... here we are, Austrian, Belgian, British, yes, you are still on the books sir. Now, how may I help you?”

“Well it's this lorry strike you see. I'm trying to get to Paris from Brussels...”

“So, you are employed in Brussels as a posted worker?”

“Yes.”

“And you want to go and work in Paris?”

“Just for one day.”

“Right sir, just checking ... um, yes, you have the right to reside in any EU country of your choice, in this case Belgium, and I can confirm that you also have rights under the single market to travel freely to France and work in Paris for a day or just for a few hours, the choice is yours.”

“Yes, but I can't get there. I'm stuck in the countryside. The motorway is closed.”

“Right sir. I'm just checking that for you now sir ... can you confirm you are able to move freely?”

“Um, what? Well, no.”

“You have no freedom of movement?”

“Well, yes, I personally can move about but...”

“That's all right then. Now, has anyone told you that you cannot work in Paris?”

“Well, no, but if I can't get there...”

“Why can't you get there?”

“Because the motorway is closed and the other roads are blocked.”

“Hmm. You do seem to have a problem, but it isn't a single market matter. It's more transport than single market. But maybe we can help under social policy.”

“I really don't care what you call it, just do something. This citizen is stuck and is not being put first! I cannot get to Paris!”

“Are you the only person who cannot get there?”

“No, obviously other people are in the same situation.”

“I see. So there is equality of work opportunity in the region in which you are now based?”

“Well, in a sense, but...”

“Do you enjoy the same access to employment as nationals of the EU country in which you find yourself?”

“Well, I suppose so because we're all stuck in the same damned blockade, but...”

“So there is no discrimination. I'm sorry sir, but all Citizens First criteria seem to be met in your particular case.”

“Yes, but hold on a minute. What about this strike? What about these drivers' working conditions?”

“Sorry sir. They are excluded from EU legislation. It's a matter for subsidiarity. And the right to strike is a sovereign right and one which no EU treaty article will ever preclude. Lorry drivers are, after all, citizens too.”

“So how do I get to Paris?”

“I'm sorry sir. Citizens First has exhausted all options and suggests you try the local tourist office. Thank you for calling the hotline. I am so glad we were able to help. Remember, things may be bad but they are not the worst, so keep on smiling, put Citizens First!”

Click.